you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
