I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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