TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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