so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
