So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No subtext here. People are naked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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