the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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