I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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