Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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