He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
