she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
