Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
