the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
