Got a toothbrush?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
