Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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