That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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