WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
