you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
