I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
