hell yes lets make some ravioli
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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