I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
