I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
