My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize