i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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