I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
