this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
