I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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