fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
