Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
