My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
