I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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