Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
