So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
