never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
