Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
