Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
