I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
