i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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