I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
