so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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