he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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