I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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