we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize