ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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