Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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