i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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