They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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