I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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