you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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