and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
