i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you never un-have a 4some
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
