She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
