ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
