i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
