so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
