bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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