Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
