No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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