The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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