just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
