Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
