well you can't waste a boner
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
