I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
either way he was missing a nipple.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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