Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
