I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Quick, to the slutcave!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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