the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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