May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
