Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
