I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
