Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
