So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
