We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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