So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize