Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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