new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
