how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
