Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize