apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize