woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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