I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
